Post a day – Quiet Time

I’m still tired from yesterday, definitely in need of some recharge time. So of course this topic comes up from the post a day blog – When You Need Quiet Time, Where Do You Go?

I have several places I go, all having their different purposes.

If I’m in deep need of pampering–not in the sense of wanting to look good or pretty or even feel well treated, but in the sense of needing to feel like I’m worth receiving a service rather than always being the one to give a service–then I will often schedule myself a massage and try to relax. Or, if I do not have the time or money for that, a bubblebath with an entrancing book and lovely music is the next most fantastic thing. I can really even manage some of that sense just by finding myself on the floor of the tub during my morning shower. Feeling the water wash away whatever I allow myself to release can be enough to get me going for another day.

Honestly though, if I’m truly in need of some quiet time, to me that means time with no other souls around for miles. I live near the beautiful Rocky Mountains. By near I mean that their shadows cover my apartment before the sun has fully set. That means the opportunity for finding places where it at least doesn’t feel like anyone is around is high and I can even engage in several different “quiet” time scenarios. Recharge time for me isn’t always quiet. Sometimes it’s a clash of sounds and sensations. Driving with all my windows down through the winding mountain roads with my music blasting and the feel of the moon on my skin is just about one of the most absolutely therapeutic things I can ever do for myself. Finding a spot that is undisturbed by any others and grabbing a notebook and pen(s) from somewhere and then immersing myself in the silence that is a mountain night is exactly what my soul cries for. I can disappear into my mind and thoughts and heart for hours and hours – at least if it’s warm enough!

Honestly, just typing and imagining this is enough to help settle my soul and mind. THe human mind is quite impressive in that it is able to see and feel and remember so much from particular experiences, especially ones that have truly influenced us as individuals. And for me, those mountain drives are the things of dreams and memories and desires.

Funny enough, I can also find quiet time in some of the most crowded places – a Starbucks or mall or whatever can be very soothing to me… Assuming I’ve my headphones and pen and paper and the chance to completely disregard and ignore the entire world around me. This is something I discovered nearly three years ago when I was mobilized for a year to the desert of Southern California. I knew no one. I was around no one. I had no desire to get to know anyone. It was the loneliest and most introverted and internal seeking year of my life so far, which is sort of saying something. The loneliness was something I quickly got used to and eventually even managed to crave and desire nearly as much as my mountain drives. The introversion and looking into myself was what helped me to recognize that I was not happy, that I was trapped and in the midst of a desperately abusive relationship. And the time to think and just be with myself gave me the chance to learn to that I could do without others and therefore did not need to subject myself to that man and what he represented to me.

Essentially, it helped me to discover and re-establish myself as an adult. Not someone who doesn’t make mistakes. Heaven help me if I ever get so delusional as to believe that I don’t make mistakes. But as someone who is willing and able to learn from my mistakes and maybe even the mistakes of others. That is enough, in my opinion. At least enough to be getting on with now.

Ironically enough, despite the fact that I absolutely adore and love my fantastic fiance, I cannot be “alone” or have true “quiet time” if we are near each other. My attention goes to him and I am too concerned about him and what’s going on and what he may need in order to truly disengage myself enough to start recovering. I think I’ve described this to him, but I’m not sure that he understands. Even now, he’s playing a game on his computer and I’m typing here and half my brain is distracted by wondering if that throat clearing was because he’s feeling like he’s being ignored or is bored but doesn’t want to interrupt me. However, I also know that it’s quite possible he merely needed to clear his throat. If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t give a damn and just assume it was throat clearing. But I do not want to ever appear to be ignoring him. That is not love. But that is also a completely different post.

Before I manage to get too much more off-topic, I believe I will leave this one as it is.

Peace

Daily Post: How do you Decide to Decide?

Now, this topic seemed sort of silly to me when I first read it. How else do you decide besides just, well deciding. Then I thought further on it and realized that I decide things in a weirdly different way from others that I know. I use hunches, I use random decisions and pay attention to random signs around me that I sometimes feel that the universe tries to use to get my attention for a variety of reasons.

I think that last one is the one that tends to get me the weirdest looks. I’m a relatively logical person in just about all parts of my life, and quite rightly so. I’m a nurse who is looked to for coming up with unique viewpoints and decisions using common sense type approaches that aren’t necessarily clear to others. I’m one of those people who can follow the more interesting paths of logic that lead to a brand new “ah ha!” moment.

However, there are times when I will pay more attention to what’s going on in the world outside of me and finding things that mean something to me and use those as signs for whether I’m using the right sort of logic, whether I’m going in the right direction. It’s sort of a long-term game of hot-cold that I use to help and steer my decisions depending upon what I’m feeling and sensing and understanding. Since I’ve been learning to pay attention to the signs and actually interpret them in a way that makes sense to me. Since I have done so, I’ve managed to find the man of my dreams, (quite literally!) have found a way to start getting back on my feet financially, and am so much happier in general than what I have been in over five years.

I don’t really know how to describe what I know means “hot” and what means “cold” in my own interpretation of what’s going on in the world around me. I wish I could. It would make things so much easier since there are far too many times when I would really love to be able to explain the “why” of a particular decision. Especially when someone who doesn’t use such ways to make decisions asks me how in the world I managed to come to that conclusion. It’s frustrating sometimes, but considering that I spend so much of my time with people who are able to view and understand such alternative thinking. I suppose it’s why I get along with them so well. And why they found their way to the same line of human-centered work that I have. It all works somehow, right?

Anywho, this is awfully late, and I do apologize for that. No Broncos game after work and dinner to distract me tomorrow, though there will be dinner with the family, so the next observation or daily post may be just as late. Or early depending upon how you wish to interpret such things. :-p

Peace

Postaday – topic 246 – Frustrations While Driving

I already posted an observation today, but this postaday was just too apropos for me to ignore it. If you want to see the few responses already, head over to The Daily Post and laugh or agree or wince along with me.

My biggest frustration while driving is probably one of the things that is a sure indicator that yes, I am an aggressive driver. I drive a minimum of 60 miles every day, 30 miles to work, 30 miles back, with an optional 5-15 miles in the middle depending upon how much office hopping I am doing that day. Nearly all of that driving is on the highways. Some would say that’s really good, some would say that’s got to be annoying. It depends upon the time of day and all that, but usually it’s tolerable. What makes it intolerable is when all lanes in the road are going the same speed, which is usually some variation of the exact speed limit and perhaps a few miles below.

I’m impatient. I’m running late, I have many things I need to do, and there is a line of 50+ cars between three lanes with over a mile (and growing) between the leaders and the next huddle of cars. This tells me that the people near the front are not following the most basic courtesy of driving on a highway. Slower traffic to the right. Yes, you may technically be passing the car next to you by a foot or so every mile, but that is not the definition of passing. You are holding up people, bunching up cars, and much as I would love to say we’re all going to follow the 6 second rule, or hell, even the 3 second rule, I know that no one is. If any of the lead cars slow down just by half a mile an hour there is the possibility of one of those distracted drivers in the middle not realizing the change and not hitting their breaks in time, and oops, now we have an accident.

If the lanes are all going different speeds, usually with a difference of 5-10 miles an hour between them, the flow of traffic is much smoother and there is nearly always more distance between cars, an additional bumper of time and space in case anything funky does happen. So, if you are going to move to the left lane to pass a vehicle, don’t be afraid to increase your speed for a minute, pass the other vehicle, give yourself extra clearance and then move over and go back to your original speed. It keeps you from getting annoyed at the “slow poke” you just passed and still gives all the other drivers the opportunity to continue at something resembling their original speeds. Want to know something else pretty cool about that?

You won’t get pulled over for that maneuver.

Cops get it, especially if they see you move back over and reduce speed again. They like traffic moving smoothly and without incident. They actually aren’t all assholes just out to get your hard earned money. They are watching for blatant disregard for the safety of people on the road. If you can go 5 miles over the speed limit, pass someone and return to your original lane without incident, congratulations, you are able to vary your driving based on conditions and could actually help prevent an accident by being such a nimble driver. The asshole who waits for you get back in your lane before zooming ahead at 20 miles over the speed limit is not considered a safe driver and yes, s/he will likely get pulled over for that stunt. I know I should have been pulled over several times for doing crap like that. I will admit though that I’m usually one of about a dozen vehicles that can be observed doing that when finally, finally there is a break and I can *gasp* finally reach the speed limit and try to make up for some lost time.

Now, I know this seems rather petty of me to complain about people only following the law, but I would like to point out again that people who do so in all lanes are actually hazards in traffic and are decreasing the overall safety of that road at that time. That is actually violating the law more so than my speeding by 5-10 miles an hour since I am usually quite able to give more space and have greater maneuverability when given the opportunity to do so. Going the speed limit = a hazard. Having several lanes going at different average speeds is safer.

So, for the love of all that is holy in this world, please think before moving over and learn how to drive in a manner that will NOT have all the drivers behind you pulling out their hair. It’d be even better if you made sure to signal before moving over, but honestly, I’m not going to be that picky or ask that much right now. Let’s just work on getting the feet to work. We can add the hands in later./rant

Peace

Postaday?

What better way to get me going and posting every day than a reminder poke in my email? So, here goes. We’ll give it a whirl. I’ve not always been terribly successful in such endeavors, but perhaps I can start to use this as a way to get me writing and thinking again since that had been my primary goal for 2011 that was dropped along the wayside about 9 months ago.

Anywho, happy blogging.

Peace