Post a day – Quiet Time

I’m still tired from yesterday, definitely in need of some recharge time. So of course this topic comes up from the post a day blog – When You Need Quiet Time, Where Do You Go?

I have several places I go, all having their different purposes.

If I’m in deep need of pampering–not in the sense of wanting to look good or pretty or even feel well treated, but in the sense of needing to feel like I’m worth receiving a service rather than always being the one to give a service–then I will often schedule myself a massage and try to relax. Or, if I do not have the time or money for that, a bubblebath with an entrancing book and lovely music is the next most fantastic thing. I can really even manage some of that sense just by finding myself on the floor of the tub during my morning shower. Feeling the water wash away whatever I allow myself to release can be enough to get me going for another day.

Honestly though, if I’m truly in need of some quiet time, to me that means time with no other souls around for miles. I live near the beautiful Rocky Mountains. By near I mean that their shadows cover my apartment before the sun has fully set. That means the opportunity for finding places where it at least doesn’t feel like anyone is around is high and I can even engage in several different “quiet” time scenarios. Recharge time for me isn’t always quiet. Sometimes it’s a clash of sounds and sensations. Driving with all my windows down through the winding mountain roads with my music blasting and the feel of the moon on my skin is just about one of the most absolutely therapeutic things I can ever do for myself. Finding a spot that is undisturbed by any others and grabbing a notebook and pen(s) from somewhere and then immersing myself in the silence that is a mountain night is exactly what my soul cries for. I can disappear into my mind and thoughts and heart for hours and hours – at least if it’s warm enough!

Honestly, just typing and imagining this is enough to help settle my soul and mind. THe human mind is quite impressive in that it is able to see and feel and remember so much from particular experiences, especially ones that have truly influenced us as individuals. And for me, those mountain drives are the things of dreams and memories and desires.

Funny enough, I can also find quiet time in some of the most crowded places – a Starbucks or mall or whatever can be very soothing to me… Assuming I’ve my headphones and pen and paper and the chance to completely disregard and ignore the entire world around me. This is something I discovered nearly three years ago when I was mobilized for a year to the desert of Southern California. I knew no one. I was around no one. I had no desire to get to know anyone. It was the loneliest and most introverted and internal seeking year of my life so far, which is sort of saying something. The loneliness was something I quickly got used to and eventually even managed to crave and desire nearly as much as my mountain drives. The introversion and looking into myself was what helped me to recognize that I was not happy, that I was trapped and in the midst of a desperately abusive relationship. And the time to think and just be with myself gave me the chance to learn to that I could do without others and therefore did not need to subject myself to that man and what he represented to me.

Essentially, it helped me to discover and re-establish myself as an adult. Not someone who doesn’t make mistakes. Heaven help me if I ever get so delusional as to believe that I don’t make mistakes. But as someone who is willing and able to learn from my mistakes and maybe even the mistakes of others. That is enough, in my opinion. At least enough to be getting on with now.

Ironically enough, despite the fact that I absolutely adore and love my fantastic fiance, I cannot be “alone” or have true “quiet time” if we are near each other. My attention goes to him and I am too concerned about him and what’s going on and what he may need in order to truly disengage myself enough to start recovering. I think I’ve described this to him, but I’m not sure that he understands. Even now, he’s playing a game on his computer and I’m typing here and half my brain is distracted by wondering if that throat clearing was because he’s feeling like he’s being ignored or is bored but doesn’t want to interrupt me. However, I also know that it’s quite possible he merely needed to clear his throat. If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t give a damn and just assume it was throat clearing. But I do not want to ever appear to be ignoring him. That is not love. But that is also a completely different post.

Before I manage to get too much more off-topic, I believe I will leave this one as it is.